Honest, critical feedback: every author needs it. Serious writers know this, and they actively seek it out. They embrace the vulnerability of allowing a critique partner or editor to turn a critical eye on their work regularly and often. But even seasoned authors know that sometimes receiving that much-needed feedback can be unexpectedly painful.
You might know that any critical feedback you receive isn’t about you as a person. You may even agree with the feedback you receive. But it can still feel extremely personal. It can feel like a judgment of your worth as a writer or even as a person, and that can really hurt.
When you receive critical feedback and it cuts you to the core, here’s how to survive:
Feel your feelings. It’s completely valid to have a strong reaction to tough feedback, even if you expected or wanted it. Allow yourself to feel upset or disappointed or even angry. (But maybe don’t send any angry emails to the person who delivered the critique!) Give space for your negative emotions. Journal, vent to a friend, maybe eat some ice cream, and know that you won’t feel this way forever.
Take time to let the critique settle in. When we view feedback from a place of pain, it’s difficult to see it clearly or to understand how we might use it to our benefit. Allow some time for the feedback to settle into your brain while you’re handling your emotions, and come back to it when they have sufficiently cleared up.
Take a break from the project. Sometimes, a critique can upset us because it feels overwhelming or we don’t know how to apply it. If this is the case, take a break from the entire project for a few weeks or months. Rest allows our brains to rest and reset, allowing us to return with clearer, fresher vision.
Remember that feedback is subjective. Providing critical feedback is an extremely subjective process. The feedback you receive is based on many variables that not even the reviewer can completely control, such as their background, biases, current life happenings, personality, reading preferences, experience with your genre, experience as an editor or critique partner, ability to walk the fine line between honesty and insensitivity, even mood or energy levels as they review your work. If you’ve given yourself time to consider their feedback and something isn’t sitting right, remember that no one knows everything and critiques are based on opinion.
Remember that it’s still your project. Your critique partner or editor hasn’t put in the long, hard hours of researching, drafting, revising, and rewriting your project that you have. At the end of the day, you are the boss of your project. Your vision, your creativity, your hard work will always be yours. You have the right to decide if a critique is helpful or harmful to your work. If it doesn’t fit with your vision or goals, thank the reviewer for their feedback and move on.
Wrapping Up
Sharing your writing with anyone always carries a level of emotional vulnerability, and this vulnerability can be particularly heightened when you intentionally seek out opinions from experienced writers or editors who are as dedicated to the craft of writing as you are. Ultimately, our success in the writing industry depends on our ability to gain approval from readers, writers, and editors. When we fail to obtain approval at any stage, it can naturally lead to some serious emotional turmoil. But those emotions do not need to define our experience with receiving feedback. Accept whatever emotions arise. Then release them—and get back to that next draft.
Happy Writing!